Each May, the final Monday of the month is set aside as a day of remembrance for the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Memorial Day, formerly known as Decoration Day, began after the American Civil War, and was eventually extended to honor all Americans who have perished in our nation’s wars.

To mark the occasion, many national cemeteries and memorials place an American flag on each grave. Across the country, a minute of silence, the National Moment of Remembrance, is observed at 3:00 PM, local time. Although the holiday is still largely a day of military recognition, many people also participate in the holiday as a day of general memory and visit the graves of relatives and friends, whether they have served in the military or not.

Take this opportunity to spend time with your loved ones and uphold the legacy of the men and women in uniform who have died while serving the United States. Almost every one of us, in particular the older veterans among us, have been touched by the loss of a loved one in the armed forces. This Memorial Day, AlmaVia of Union City recognizes these sacrifices and pays tribute to all the men and women who gave their lives for our country.

The question might seem obvious—between the delicacy of the subject, underlying family issues, and the cost, caring for an elderly loved one can provide a lot of fodder for family tensions. At the heart of every argument, however, there are some simple sources of conflict. Once you understand them, it’s easier to overcome the struggles and work to provide the best care possible.

You see the same picture in different ways.
Adult siblings and other family members don’t always see senior care in the same way. You might disagree about how much care a family member needs—or if they need care at all. When your opinions are wildly different, it’s time to seek outside guidance. The objective opinion of an expert like a family doctor or a visiting nurse can go a long way in assessing the level of care your family member truly needs.

Old issues resurface.
If you and your siblings bickered often as children, you may have thought you were past that as adults. But that’s not always the case. In high-stress situations like caring for an elderly parent, the family dynamics of the past might find their way to the present. While a perfectly harmonious family isn’t realistic, this is a situation in which you should take the high road. Set an example of dignity and do your best to avoid bickering.

One family member does all the heavy lifting.
If one family member lives closest to the senior in question, they might find themselves with the majority of the responsibility, which can breed resentment. Honesty is key here. If you are the one shouldering the responsibility, be clear and specific about the help you need and the challenges you may be having. On the other side of the equation, if you live far away, you might feel shut out of your elderly family member’s care. Be open about the care and resources you can offer, and about your desire to be involved.

Finances are a tender topic.
Senior care is expensive, and it’s often the #1 topic of disagreement between family members. This is another scenario where open communication is key. First, establish a realistic cost of care. Then have an open discussion of how much each family member can contribute. This is different for each family. If you can’t reach a consensus, seek outside mediation. Elder care mediators and senior living advisors are familiar with nearly every scenario possible, and can help untangle even the most complicated financial disagreements.

Difficult decisions result in conflict.
Arguments are not unusual when making decisions about assisted living, end-of-life care, and inheritances. The best solution is early prevention—ensure that your elderly loved one makes their own legally-binding decisions. Make sure they’ve drafted a living-will, healthcare directive, and have designated a healthcare proxy—and then respect their wishes.

When family members put aside their differences and work towards a common goal—providing the best possible care for their loved ones—they can overcome the challenges of senior care. For information about senior living, family mediation, and more, call AlmaVia of Union City at 510-400-7250 or visit www.almaviaofunioncity.org.

When it comes to finances, older adults can sometimes be tight-lipped. If they’re concerned about losing control of their money—and therefore losing their autonomy—they may not confide in you or in another caregiver. Unfortunately, financial problems can quickly escalate if they’re not dealt with quickly. Even if you don’t hear the details of their financial life, there are some signs that can alert you to the financial security of the seniors in your life.

Too Much, Too Little
Everyone deserves a little indulgence, especially seniors who are retired and finally relaxing after long years of work. But if their house is full of pricy new appliances, furniture, art, or if they’re eating out often at the most expensive spots in town, they may be spending out of control. In extreme cases, a sudden change in purchases or expenses can be a sign of impaired judgment.

On the other hand, not all issues with senior finances are issues of overspending. If your loved one complains about not having enough money, or if they retreat and isolate themselves rather than spend money, pay attention. This may not be a sign that money is actually tight, but that the finances are just too much for them to navigate on their own.

Unopened Mail, Unanswered Calls
When you visit your loved one, are there piles of unopened mail lying around? Mortgage statements, credit card bills, even utilities and notices from Social Security can all be languishing in those piles. As seniors age, the monthly task of paying bills can become overwhelming, especially if money is scarce.

If you’re worried about your senior’s financial situation, see if you can look at their phone records, which sometimes appear on bills. If they’re having trouble, there will surely be calls from creditors, bill collectors, or services seeking back wages that have been forgotten by your loved one.

Mind & Body
Does the person you’re caring for seem forgetful or dismissive about cash? Do they open their wallet and are surprised that it’s empty? If this happens often, or if you see checks or pensions laying around without being deposited, they might be struggling with the focus and memory aspects of managing their finances.

Physically too, seniors may run into difficulties managing their money. For example, paying bills by mail can be difficult for those with arthritis, calling the bank can be frustrating for those with hearing loss, and if leaving the house is a chore, they may forgo trips to the ATM or the bank.

Know Your Scams
Unfortunately, older adults are particularly susceptible to scam artists and telemarketers. Some of these con artists specifically target older adults who appear vulnerable. If you see solicitations for investment schemes or timeshare vacation homes, or if your loved one speaks enthusiastically about new investments, it isn’t irrational to feel wary.

At AlmaVia of Union City, we understand that striking a balance between financial independence and financial security can be difficult for seniors and their loved ones. For more information on how we can help seniors manage daily living activities, call 510-400-7250.

If your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, trying to recall memories can be frustrating. However, reminiscence therapy can be an enjoyable activity for all involved. Whether it helps improve memory or cognition is not clear, but it certainly stimulates the senses, and can sometimes spark memories. Studies show it improves quality of life and can help ease depression.

During reminiscence therapy, images, sounds, textures, tastes, and objects are introduced, and then dementia patients and their caregivers engage in conversation about their experiences. Here are some examples of reminiscence therapy “prompts” that not only get the conversation flowing—they can also bring your elderly loved one joy.

Toys
Don’t worry, you don’t have to go searching for your loved one’s long-lost blanket or doll. Any simple toy can help start the conversation. These toys aren’t used as playthings, but as objects that represent experiences in a person’s life. For instance, bring in a toy truck and all sorts of memories can be spurred—the time they helped a child play with one just like it, or the time they drove a life-sized one.

Music
Have you ever heard a tune from your teenage years and were surprised that you still knew all the lyrics? Music has deep emotional connections for us all, including those with Alzheimer’s. Hearing an old favorite song can have such a powerful effect on seniors, it’s become a form of therapy in its own right, especially for those in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s.

Images
Looking over old family photos can be difficult, especially if your senior struggles with recognizing faces. Instead, look for images that don’t have specific personal significance, but are of familiar or important places. For instance, did your loved one enjoy going on beach vacations every summer when they were younger? Share a picture book about a beach trip, and watch their face light up.

Religion
For many seniors, religion is a matter very close to their hearts. Spiritual music, religious icons, and readings from sacred texts can be incredibly fulfilling for seniors with dementia who otherwise have difficulty connecting.

Nature
From the youngest to the eldest among us, we all have the capacity to be fascinated and awed by nature. You don’t have to take the senior you care for on a hike—you can always bring nature to them, in the form of leaves, textured bark or driftwood, pebbles, feathers, and more.

These are just a few suggestions for reminiscence therapy. Looking for more ideas? Consider each of your senses and the ways in which your own memories are recalled every day. Tasting a favorite treat, smelling a favorite flower, watching an old favorite movie, or performing a task that’s set in muscle memory, like kneading dough, are all experiences that won’t just potentially spark memories—they’re also enjoyable ways to spend time with your loved ones.

For more information about reminiscence therapy and the memory care services we provide at AlmaVia of Union City, call (510) 400-7250 or visit www.almaviaofunioncity.org.